We had a great time catching up with the drag king, writer, actor, comedian and voiceover artist Daisy Doris May, fresh off their wildly successful run of The TED XXX Talk: How To Mate at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
We delved deep into the world of drag, gender identity, the highs and hazards of Glastonbury, and how pigeons have more rizz than any other bird out there…
You have so many strands to your career but if you had to pick one focus and drop everything else, what would you choose and why?
How about weirdo? I don’t feel comfortable just calling myself an actor anymore because that’s what I was in my 20s. I suppose that was my identity. Voice-over artist is something I’ve probably done the most, and it’s my bread and butter, but this drag space and the writing are satisfying me right now. So I would say, like…am I allowed to say “creative”? Or is that…?
You can definitely say creative…
Yeah, that feels right. I feel comfy in the artist world now. I love to call myself a writer, but I still feel a bit of a fraud, because it terrifies me.
Anything that gives me a creative outlet and allows me to be in control of the work and create my own world is something that excites me more than ever.
Getting given a script is a beautiful privilege because you just rock up and you have a play, but being more in the creative process is something that I’m craving. I love creating characters and comedy through characters but, again, the word “comedian” terrifies me even if it’s something I’ve loved dabbling in. There is a freedom in it, but there’s also a fear.
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Speaking of drag – for most queer women in their 30s, Tipping the Velvet was their introduction to Drag Kings. What was your first introduction to the drag scene, and how did you get into it?
That’s hilarious, because, if I think about it, Tipping The Velvet was my introduction too so thanks for making me realise that!
I had heard of drag kings but I’d never seen a drag king. The first drag king I ever saw was in She Soho, this little underground bar. Romeo De La Cruz and Adam All were doing something there and I met my future drag uncle at the bar, Frankie Sinatra. I stumbled across it on my own and my little brain exploded, I was like, “This. Is. Sick.”
It was such an incredible cocoon of a community in that basement bar – it was so electric. I remember Romeo De La Cruz doing a speech about how that community had really become their family as well. It was such an honour to be part of that.
Frankie gave me some amazing advice that night too: to create a character from the inside out. Anyone can do the makeup, but what’s the message you want to create? What’s the story? Who are these characters?
Since then, I’ve been obsessed with the history of drag kings and male impersonation. I realised that they’ve been around for so long. I went into the history books and discovered loads of artists, but it was lockdown, where I had fewer distractions when I could pour some time into creating my own alter egos.
You’ve developed a lot of characters over the years: the award-winning Häns Off, Steve Porters, and Minty, to name a few. How do you come up with and develop your character ideas? Do you have a character you identify with or enjoy playing more?
The first character I created was the divine Karen Moonstone – a self-appointed guru.
I first created Karen because I love the yoga world. It’s a really interesting space because, in some parts, there’s cultural appropriation. Like, when I was younger and I was into the whole festival culture – what people wore and the conversation around yoga wasn’t always rooted in actual knowledge. I was quite interested in that and I wanted to take the piss out of myself. So Karen was born as a very extreme version of that: this character who was this kind of arrogant, self-appointed guru.
I felt like I could take the piss out of that because I, myself, used to put crystals in water. Now I think I can zoom out, and it helps me make a statement and acknowledge that some of that past behaviour was problematic.
Steve Porters is based on boys from Guildford and boys I grew up with. I relate to Steve in that he’s made mistakes and will make them again, but he’s willing to learn. On a fundamental level, I think that’s a human experience. Steve has got a heart of gold. He may not say the right thing all the time, but I’m protective of him because I think he’s trying his best, and he’s quite naive.
For me, he’s an example of a man who reminds us that we need to create nicer, kinder, softer spaces for men to learn in our society, rather than just being like, “You’re toxic. End of the conversation, disappear, and delete yourself.” I think that he’s a character, a vessel, where I can ask questions like, “Is it okay to just cancel someone and delete someone from their existence, or can we create a space that’s a bit more loving and, you know, have a conversation with people?”
Minitry is just ghastly. I had loads of fun creating Minty and Dimitri, and that vlog world of West London kids pretending to be East London trying to be cooler than they are. It’s also a bit of Steve and a bit of me; let’s be honest, I’m from Guilford and I think it was never cool to say you’re from Guildford.
Speaking of Steve Porters, we should congratulate Steve on getting a girlfriend.
Thank you so much.
Being in a relationship probably stood him in good stead for the recent run of shows at the Edinburgh Fringe – The TED XXX Talk: How To Mate. Could you talk more about the show generally and any golden rules of “mating” that you could share with our readers?
I had so much fun with Steve. Last year the message was about consent. This year the message behind the show How To Mate is about being okay with not being okay. It touches on mental health and being brave enough to open up to your boys or your crew and say, “I’m struggling.” That’s the heart of the show.
Last year, in How To Flirt, Steve used the BIRDS method. Being Bold, Interesting, Romantic, and showing off the Dancing will get you the…Spooning.
This year, he’s been using his BIRDS method for himself and it’s got him a girlfriend. It’s made him think, what else have we got to learn from these fine feathery folk, the birds?
So, we are keeping it with the BIRDS theme. It’s a three-module seminar using different birds. I’m not going to ruin it, but I am going to give you the module names. Module one is the peacock, module two is the penguin, and module three is the pigeon.
You think you’d finish with the peacock, but you’re finishing with the pigeon?
Yeah, it’s the spiciest bird out there! They’re top shaggers, the pigeons.
This year we’ve levelled up the spice factor and just like last year, there’s a big twist in the show, which I won’t give away, but let’s say Steve is still just listening, learning and loving.
It’s a fun show. It’s got dance and original music, it’s very interactive and I’m having so much fun with it. Half the audience is people who saw Steve last year which has been amazing. It’s really, really beautiful to see people coming back and wanting to learn more from Steve.
The Scissor stage debuted at Glastonbury this year – a dedicated space for queer women and allies. You were there from day one gracing the stage. How was Glastonbury for you? Any big highlights?
It was absolutely, completely and utterly exhausting. I loved it. I loved every second. Sam Moyo curated some incredible artists. I was just so honoured to be a part of it.
I brought Häns Off, Steve Porters and Karen Moonstone, interviewed some awesome DJs and the whole thing was just really beautiful.
It was very refreshing having that lineup which felt like it was for our people and our audiences – it felt safe backstage and I had so much fun. We even did a mini version of How To Flirt in a pop-up barber shop with a hairdresser doing Steve’s goatee. Like, genuinely shaving my face! It was a very special experience.
I can find Glastonbury almost too overwhelming at times. I love Shambhala or Secret Garden Party – somewhere, you’ll walk off and bump into your friends instantly. At Glastonbury, I had FOMO all the time, I wanted to be in every corner, and you can’t be because it takes like an hour to get from one side to the other. So, for me, Scissors was somewhere where I spent a lot of time and enjoyed being part of the Scissors family for sure.
And how long did you need to recover after Glastonbury?
It’s a very good question….
Turns to husband: Mpilo?
Mpilo May: You haven’t.
Daisy: Yeah, maybe I haven’t! It was all-consuming, but I was in a tent with my very good friend, who’s a mama, and she was giving me gluten-free snacks. We had a lovely little cocoon. Holly Roxanne, Santana Oush and me – we had a little nest. So that was fun. But yeah, man, Glastonbury is overwhelming.
You’ve spoken about how the art of drag has been important in helping you explore your identity and giving you that space to do that. Could you tell us a bit more about that?
Yeah, for sure. I did an event with For Them, which was created by my good friends Kylo and M Chad. It was around that time that I had these interesting conversations about gender. It was about three or four years ago and it just clicked into place. I was like, “Okay, maybe it’s not a complete coincidence that I’m fascinated by this world, and maybe I don’t feel fully comfortable in the she/her box”.
Although I love being called a sister and a wife, and I know I have the “privileges” of appearing femme a lot of the time, I actually feel comfortable in a box that’s slightly more fluid. I guess playing with all of these characters has also given me a chance to play in the spectrum of gender.
I’m very grateful for drag and my friends in the drag community because of that, I’ve had amazing conversations, and it’s been an adventure, for sure.
If there’s someone out there who wants to go to a drag show but hasn’t had the chance yet, outside of grabbing tickets to see you or Häus of Dons, are there particular venues or other acts that you would recommend?
My favourite collective is The Cocoa Butter Club. I love what they do. Cassie Leon and Sadie Sinner, who run it, have just got the biggest hearts and the best eye for talent.
Rhys’s Pieces runs Queerdos Cabaret, I love what Rhys is up to. They do bi-monthly shows at the Divine and in Brighton which are definitely worth checking out.
There are a few great things coming up in London too: the Black Burlesque Festival at Jacksons Lane Theatre on the 1st and 2nd of November and Magic Dyke at the Clapham Grand on the 5th of September.
To be honest, if you just want to turn up and have a great time you can’t go wrong with Bar Doña. It’s my spiritual playground, has the best mezcal in town and feels like the personification of being inside a womb.
And obviously, Soho Theatre is the greatest spot. We’re lucky enough to have a residency so it always feels special bringing Häus Of Dons to Soho!
One thing our readers always love to know, do you get much downtime to just be Daisy? And, when you do, are there any weird hobbies you could share with our readers?
I am working on being better at being still and being chilled. Mpilo took me to Vipassana right after we got married, which was 11 days of silence, which was really challenging.
I love moving my body, so I love walking, I love boxing, I love going dancing. My favourite thing to do in the world is to go snowboarding. I basically love being in nature and being around my family – being around the Mays. I definitely get energy from being with the people I love. And that’s it really, just being around the people I love and eating good food.
Finally, following your run of the TED XXX Talk: How To Mate at the Edinburgh Fringe, is there anything else coming up that the Nonchalant faithful can catch you in?
Watch this space for Häus Of Dons on at Underbelly Boulevard, we’re bringing How To Mate on tour and, really excitingly, Steve Porters is going on tour with Schalk Bezuidenhout and he’s coming to Cape Town!
Follow Daisy on Instagram to keep up to date with everything that’s coming up and get those all-important mating tips from Steve Porters.
Thanks for taking the time to hang Daisy!
Team Nonchalant x
PS. Want to learn more about gender-neutral pronouns?
By day Maz lives in London and works in marketing, by night she’s writing for Nonchalant Magazine, and by early morning she’s in a bar making questionable life choices
