Yes, I’m back. And yes, I’m oversharing.
As the title suggests, and at the risk of sounding like the women in last year’s viral Vogue article [Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? | Vogue], I have a boyfriend now who I don’t actually hate. In fact, I adore him so much that I am overcome by the urge to peg him.
Truthfully, this isn’t specific to my boyfriend. I have been wanting to peg a man since I discovered gay porn on Tumblr (those were the good ol’ days), to the point where I even tweeted about creating an app called ‘I’ve Got You Pegged’, where you can find all the men who would like to be pegged in your vicinity – which I still think is a great idea. But I will say, since being with my boyfriend the desire to peg has only intensified.
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And it’s not just me! There are countless Reddit threads discussing how to peg your partner, others rejoicing that they got the chance to, some with ‘f seeking m’ to peg!
In the spirit of some real boots-on-the-ground journalism, I decided to speak to the same five queer women in my friendship circle and see what it is that makes my boyfriend’s butthole so inviting.
‘It’s a power thing’
One of my friends noted that the reason queer women want to peg their boyfriends is about power, to which we all nodded enthusiastically around the table. When you’re in a hetero presenting relationship, if you are the partner who is the lock and not the key, so to speak, it is intoxicating to think of being the one who isn’t just in charge but on top, the physicality of it. But then it made me wonder, why is being dominant not enough? You can hold the power in sexual dynamics in the relationship rather easily, especially if your partner is submissive, so why must you be the one inside them? Someone suggested the answer that when women want to peg, they get pleasure in pleasuring someone else.
‘It’s a selfless sort of pleasure’
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So much of sex, especially from the perspective of a queer woman, is about giving rather than receiving. Personally for me, sex has been an exhibition of devotion, what I’m willing to do and endure for another person. Yes, there are things that I enjoy but it is seeing the other person’s ecstasy that makes it worthwhile. So, to some degree, selflessness has always been the defining factor for sex with any person. And if it’s about giving, how is it I’ve never wanted to peg/strap a femme or masc person? What is it about cis-het men that makes them so irresistibly peggable?
‘Vulnerability is sexy’
This might be the one, folks. When one of the girls mentioned this it felt right. Being dominant and not pegging isn’t the same, especially if you’re a woman in a relationship with a cis-het man. Yes, he may be playing submissive but, in my case because I am not a muscle mummy, the real physical power still lies with the man. Sure, he could crawl on the floor and wear a collar around his neck, but there is nothing more submissive and vulnerable than a cis-man metaphorically and literally opening himself up. Nothing is sexier than your cis-het male being open to exploring something new and truly not being the one in control. We’re all aware of the strict and unrealistic standards of masculinity cis-het men hold themselves to, therefore it’s so satisfying to find one who pushes past those boundaries, exploring what society deems unseemly, letting them embrace the relinquishing of self-control.
As someone who does not conform to gender expectations and has been with queer men, heterosexual men and gender-queer people, I feel that I balance the masc and the femme, the dom and the sub, all of it. It’s great that my boyfriend in return encourages me to explore this in all sectors of our relationship. However Rome wasn’t built in a day, so although my boyfriend is aware of what I want, I can’t jump straight in (no pun intended), but I am looking forward to laying the groundwork.
So to any of you who are dying to peg your boyfriends, 2026 is our year.
Yours truly,
Demi x
Failed dating show contestant on BBC “I Kissed a Girl” and writer of horny and sad poetry, Demi is based in Islington, London and works for independent publisher VERVE Books as an editorial assistant and social media manager. In her spare time she attends spoken word poetry nights, drinks an unhealthy amount of fruit tea with honey and aggressively reposts her FYP on TikTok.
