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Black tie dress codes have traditionally split into two lanes: a tuxedo for men, a gown for women, with very little acknowledgment that plenty of us do not want to choose between those two boxes at all. Ask any butch, masc-of-centre or enby person who has stared down a wedding invite. That split is loosening, slowly, as more formalwear brands and stylists treat tailoring as a real option for anyone, rather than a menswear category that women are occasionally allowed to borrow from.
Why tailoring reads differently on different people
A well-cut jacket does something a dress rarely does: it creates a strong, structured line regardless of who is wearing it, without relying on a specific body shape to look intentional. That is part of why formal attire for men has become such a popular reference point for queer women and non-binary people building a formal look outside the gown-and-heels track, whether that means a full tuxedo, a tailored jacket over trousers, or a mix of tailored and softer pieces.
Getting the fit right when sizing charts assume one body type
Most off-the-rack tailoring is still cut around a fairly narrow range of body proportions, which can make shopping frustrating if your shoulders, hips or chest do not match the assumed ratio. A proper fitting, rather than trusting a size chart alone, matters even more here. Alterations to shoulder width and jacket length can make the difference between a jacket that looks borrowed from your dad and one that looks made for you.
Building a look piece by piece
Not every formal occasion calls for a full matching set. A tailored jacket over a slip dress, or sharp trousers with a more traditionally feminine top, can strike a balance that feels more you than committing fully to either extreme. Treat tailoring as a set of individual pieces rather than an all-or-nothing uniform and far more combinations open up, and it tends to photograph as more confident than an outfit that feels like a compromise between two rigid options.
Small details that change the look
Lapel width, button stance and how high the trouser sits all change the overall impression far more than most people expect. A narrower lapel and higher rise read sleeker and more contemporary, while a wider lapel and lower rise carry a more traditional, retro feel. None of these choices are inherently masculine or feminine; they simply shift the silhouette, which is exactly why they’re worth talking through with a tailor rather than defaulting to whatever the mannequin is wearing.
The classic tuxedo still has a place in this
If you want to go all in, a properly fitted tuxedo remains one of the strongest formal looks going, satin lapels and all. It does not need reinventing to feel personal; it just needs to actually fit the person wearing it, which is where most off-the-rack attempts fall short. A tuxedo that sits right across the shoulders and close through the waist reads as deliberate regardless of who has it on – and yes, it will get you noticed at the reception.
Finding a tailor who gets it
Not every tailor is equally comfortable with requests that fall outside a standard menswear or womenswear order, so it is worth asking directly how a shop handles this before you book. A good sign is a tailor who asks how the piece will be worn and with what, rather than steering you back towards a default template. Word of mouth within the queer community tends to be more reliable than a shop’s marketing, since your mates will tell you the things a website never mentions.
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Where to start if this is new territory
For a first attempt, book a fitting rather than ordering online. It is much easier to explain what feels right in person than to guess from a size chart. Bring reference photos too, even ones that mix menswear and womenswear styling, since a good tailor can usually translate the vibe even if it does not map neatly onto a standard product listing.
Formalwear is slowly catching up to the fact that not everyone wants to pick a lane, and the options for a tailored look outside the binary keep growing. The best approach is still the simplest: start with fit, decide how much of the look should be classic tailoring versus something softer, and let the occasion guide the rest, not a rulebook that was never written with us in mind.
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This article was written by a Nonchalant Magazine guest writer.
